About Me

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Lake Charles, Louisiana, United States
Hello, and welcome to my book review blog! Most of the books I read will fall under the banner of adult or YA fantasy, but I may occasionally stray in a different direction. My TBR pile is suitably overwhelming, but I have high hopes of getting to the bottom of it sometime this century 🀍🀍🀍🀍 [Banner image artwork by Yuki Midorikawa]

Friday, July 28, 2023

Moving the Goal Post

HOW IT ALL STARTED


I don’t know about you, but I began with no expectations whatsoever.

I’ve always wanted to write books. I started writing them when I was a teenager, but I didn’t get really serious about it until my late twenties. Finished the book, but didn’t have the self-confidence to do anything with it. So, I shelved that whole dream for a good decade or so.

I got really into writing fanfiction. You know, as one does. I’d written a lot of it in my twenties (Yes, I had a LiveJournal. NO YOU CANNOT SEE IT), but I stopped for awhile and didn’t pick it up again until my late-thirties. Of course, the funny thing is, I’m not actually a very good fanfiction writer. I’ve got this nasty habit of creating my own characters and playing with canonical worlds until they suit my vision for the story. I will add indoor plumbing and printing presses to settings that don’t have them. Just try and stop me.

Summer of 2018, I wrote just such a story, only it was somehow also a book-length story (120,000 words to be exact). Even more surprising: people loved it. So I wrote a sequel, and people loved that; then I wrote a third book, and then a fourth. It got to the point where I was hoarding fanart, and I even opened a Discord so fans of the series could chat and keep track of updates. And always in the back of my mind there was something tickling my brain, reminding me of the teenager I used to be—the one with all those silly hopes and dreams.

Oh, and my readers kept telling me I should publish it.

A DREAM IS A WISH YOUR HEART MAKES


So, yeah, I started playing with the idea of turning the first book of that series into a novel. I still didn’t really have any goals. I wasn’t picturing myself as an author yet. What a joke, right? Here I was, forty-one years old, still working up the nerve to tell people in my life I wrote fanfiction. Admitting I’d written an actual novel? Not gonna happen.

But, eventually, I… did it. I had a novel.

I had no idea how to navigate this new space. I barely used social media. I also had to make a surprisingly tough decision: no more fanfiction. I learned pretty quickly that I can’t focus on more than one project at a time. Saying good-bye to my series’ fandom was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I still get people messaging me and asking if there’ll be another book. It hurts. I told stories that made a real difference in people’s lives. Nothing huge. Little things like, I had a totally awful day at work, but when I got home I saw you posted a new chapter… That stuff matters. It makes it feel like your story matters.

But now all that was gone. It was just me and my characters.

Now, I already knew about querying. I’d queried a short story in my twenties. More specifically: I’d queried one magazine, received a rejection, and quit. But I guess the dream never truly died because I used to read the Writer’s Marketplace at Books-A-Million. Of course, I couldn’t afford to purchase it, so I’d check it out at the library—not that they ever had the latest edition.

But hey! Everything was online now. Still, the thought of querying… what if I got rejected again? People said my writing was good, but… was it good enough?

Then I discovered #RevPit.

NEW GOAL: GET INTO A MENTORSHIP


This was in spring of 2021. I spent hours writing my answers to all the questions (they released the questions ahead of time) only to realize when it came time to enter that I’d gotten the word count limit wrong. Like, way wrong. I had to quickly cut 90% of my responses so I could squeak in—this was when participants had only a small timeframe to enter, and only so many were even allowed to enter.

Long story short, I didn’t get in. And that’s when I realized I’d set a goal without realizing it. Because I cried when I saw the tweet from the last editor saying she’d made her selection and all emails had been sent out—and I didn’t get one. Yeah. I really cried.

Not that I learned my lesson or anything. I edited the book all summer long, convinced there was something wrong with it. Then, come Fall, I entered another mentorship program: Pitch Wars. Don’t worry, I won’t keep you in suspense here: I didn’t get selected. I also joined a Twitter pitch event for the first time (#PitMad—holy hell was that terrifying—and embarrassing, as real friends and family who followed me on Twitter could see my pitches). Spoiler alert! I received no likes.

Okay, but we soldier on, right? It finally became clear to me what my goal was: get into a mentorship. Because that was safer than querying? As if being selected for a mentorship program is something I have any more control over. But I’m a stubborn bastard. I kept at it. I pitched during #DVPit. Received no likes. Entered AMM. Wasn’t selected. Pitched in #PitMad in December 2021. Received… One! Editor! Like! Entered Rogue Mentor. Didn’t get in. Are you seeing a pattern?

All right, fine, I thought. Nobody wants me? Well then, I’ll just start querying. But I did so convinced my book was a total garbage heap. I queried for six months and received one full request and one partial. The full request ended in a complimentary pass that came with the dreaded “just didn’t fall in love” line. The partial was a form rejection. All the while, I kept reading up on and entering mentorships. Then, in late Spring 2022, I entered the Diverse Voices mentorship.

I. Got. In.

I read the email over and over and over. I couldn’t believe it. YES!!! I got in! I’d set my goal and I’d ACHIEVED it! But was this because I was just so totally awesome and my book was soon to be a runaway bestseller? Of course not. It’s because I was fucking persistent. And because of luck. Because my wonderful mentor just happened to read my book and love it.

TIME TO MOVE THAT MUH’F’N GOAL POST, AMIRIGHT?


The mentorship was great. My book became so much better. My mentor was truly the most awesome person on the planet, and I owe her everything. I’ll admit, getting into the program and working with her did much for my self-esteem. I no longer believed my writing was shit. I no longer thought I was shit.

But all good things come to end. But hey, that meant I was ready to query again, right? And boy was I. Oh, and guess what? I had a new goal: not “get an agent” because surely I wasn’t good enough for that yet. No, my goal became: get a full request.

Aaand I got one! Pretty quickly, too.

And then another. And another. And another. And another.

OKAY, HOLY SHIT, NEW GOAL

Man, those goal posts were leaving sparks in their wake, lemme tell you. Now the one positive thing I can say is I didn’t set an exact number. But I got a lot of requests. Like seventeen, as of this blog post.

And, of course, then they began to slowly come back as passes.

SET ACHIEVABLE GOALS


Which is where I am today, Summer of 2023. My book has queried well. I worked my ass off until I got into a mentorship, then back-patted myself, even though I knew in the back of my mind that luck played a HUGE part in that “success.” Don’t get me wrong. Hard work and talent play their parts, too. When we succeed like this after working so hard—when we get into mentorship programs, when we get requests, when we get offers—we should be proud. But until you get to that moment—if you get to that moment—it just isn’t fucking fair to beat yourself up for not being there yet.

So that’s been my takeaway, and it’s what inspired me to finally start blogging about this whole process. Maybe I’ll write another post in the future about being in a mentorship, or maybe I’ll write one about writing fanfiction and turning it into original fiction.

But for now, I just wanted to exist in this space—this space where I’ve achieved so much yet always seem to struggle to acknowledge my successes. Why is that? I’ve seen other writers (and artists in general) talk about this all the time. When you’re constantly looking ahead at your next achievement, your next goal, you never allow yourself time to relax in the moment and enjoy what you’ve accomplished so far.

And I have come far. From a kid tapping away at the pre-Windows writing program on their family computer to the overly anxious forty-something fanfic writer who just wants to write stories that make queer kids happy… fuck. I’ve come so, so far.

And I’m gonna nail those goal posts into the ground, damn it, and celebrate those goals. At least for now.

I can always build more later.

Sunday, September 11, 2022

SO THIS IS EVER AFTER by F. T. Lukens

 


It's hard to know where to start with this one. I was definitely very excited when my copy showed up on my doorstep! In the end, though, it turned out the story just wasn't for me. And, as always, that's okay.

More than anything, this felt a little bit like reading fanfiction without knowing anything about the canon material. I sensed the characters all had quite vivid personalities and personal histories, but they just weren't on the page. Similarly, no doubt the world had nuance and complexity as all fantasy worlds do. It just wasn't on the page. 

Arek is the point of view character, and I really wouldn't know what to say about him, other than that he's a tad unlikable and really, really crass! (But then again, he's a 17 year old boy.) He's in love with his best friend Matt—and I think it's really hard to start a story off where two characters are already in love. Or it could be that this just isn't the type of love story I can easily connect with. But I could never really see why Arek loves Matt, or even why Matt loves Arek, and that was a bit of a deal-breaker for me. I love romance, but what I love most about romance is see what it is the two people admire in one another, seeing their respect for and devotion for one another. As for Matt, he likes books and... probably lots of other stuff, but we never learn what any of that is. 

It also doesn't help that they look like mirror images of one another on the cover! πŸ˜… Nevertheless, the cover art is certainly gorgeous. 

The supporting cast feel a little bit like D&D characters that had just been constructed before the "campaign" (story) started. We've got one person of each class, and their personalities align with that class. So we've got the sneaky thief, the noble knight, the saucy bard, and the stalwart fighter. But what does Bethany want more than anything in the world? What keeps Rion up at night? What's Lila's greatest fear? I found it impossible to answer any of these questions, and sadly, it's impossible to answer them for Arek and Matt, too. (I say sadly because these kinds of deeper connections for characters are what I tend to look for in a book.)

The voice is certainly very strong, but it's kind of annoying, too? Arek is kind of a jerk at times, but I think that just might be his natural teenager-ness. He also constantly lusts after his friends while also being in love with Matt. Which is normal, I'm sure, it was just... disconcerting. I really didn't need to read about the tenth time his friend Sionna gave him a boner. (Yes, he uses the word "boner.")

I spent most of the book wanting desperately to be emotionally invested in these characters, and it just never happened. 

That said, it's light-hearted and low stakes, which is usually just my cup of tea. If you don't mind Shrek-like fairytale world and the D&D-style characters, this would likely be a very enjoyable read. The book has high scores on Storygraph, and I can see why.

There was only one character of color, which was a bit odd. Everyone seemed to be bisexual? (Or maybe Arek just assumed everyone was?) And there was one non-binary character towards the end. It feels like the author was conscious with regards to diversity, though it felt a bit awkward to me.

To some degree, I felt like I was reading a middle-grade book with the words "boner" and "fuck" tossed in randomly on every other page. And that's not to insult middle-grade books—Shannon Hale and Gail Carson Levine are two of my all-time favorites. But I would personally just rather spend time with the thoughtful Dashti (from Book of a Thousand Days) or adorably awkward Aza (from Fairest) than boner-having Arek. 

Sunday, September 4, 2022

PRIORY OF THE ORANGE TREE by Samantha Shannon

 


Where do I even begin with this one....

I started the book sometime in May, guestimating it would take me at least a month to get through it. And here it is, the beginning of September. Whelp.

Don't get me wrong. This book is breathtaking. And it is, without question, THE book to have broken my YEARS LONG reading slump. I literally can't wait to pick up another book.

But holy shit it's long.

I think we could've done without the first 2-300 pages of Ead at court. I suspect this was to try and build up the relationship between her and Sabran, but I don't feel that ever really got off the ground. I'm not really sure what they see in each other, but also... I don't really know who they are. Ead is essentially a warrior nun. Which is cool, but it's not, you know. A personality. Sabran generally comes across as cold and unrelenting (though she becomes abruptly progressive at the end of the book—not that I minded that, but I never really saw much evidence for this sudden change of heart). We're sometimes told that she can be easily depressed or gloomy, but I don't feel like we got to see this in her.

But that's okay, honestly. I could easily brush aside their romance and just enjoy the dangerous world of politics and magic that surrounded them both. There were many minor characters surrounding them that were more interesting; Meg, for instance, or Chassar. 

TanΓ© is next. I will say it took a loooooong time for her personality and story to get off the ground. For about 400 pages or so, she was "the girl who fights hard to be the best." Once she experiences her great heartache/fall (I'll try not to give spoilers here), she really starts to grow. But it does take some time. In the end, her bond with Nayimathun is quite sweet, and I loved Nayimathun's gentle confidence in her. Towards the end of the book, I think she starts to see dragons as companions instead of gods, and that's true growth.

Loth is, frankly, a precious bean. I found him to be the second most likable major character (though TanΓ© isn't far behind). In a strange way, he doesn't experience much growth; he's still the same gentle-hearted, earnest guy at the end of the story as he was at its beginning. But there's just something about that earnestness of his that really tugged at my heartstrings. I loved his friendship with Sabran and Ead, but it was the sort of thing that we saw without really feeling. I think this is because he is separated from them before the book even begins, so we don't get to actually experience their deep love for one another. When they meet again after, what, 4, 500 pages? and embrace, it feels... a bit hollow. Still, that's hardly Loth's fault. For a long portion of the text, I thought he was hinted at as being asexual/aromantic, but every now and then he would, out of nowhere, think about the Donmata Marosa, a woman he barely knew. I'm not sure if this fascination/concern of his was supposed to be romantic, but it felt sadly very tacked on.

And finally... Niclays Roos. Man, what can I really say about this guy? I DEFINITELY have a new favorite character. Forget the other characters. His personality consistently leapt right off the page (and into my heart). Dr. Roos... outcast by a relentlessly proud queen (her persistent heartlessness towards him does her no favors) and quietly grieving over the loss of a man he wasn't even allowed to fully be with... he absolutely broke my heart. The world consistently spit on Niclays Roos, and he had to just stand there and take it. This man multiple times throughout the narrative contemplated death, then bitterly called himself a coward for not being able to seek it. If that's not relatable... 

In many ways, Niclays truly makes up for the flatness of many of the other characters. Since he's a major character (and POV character) I always knew another chapter of his was just around the corner, and it often helped me slog through some of those early Ead or TanΓ© chapters. I also felt the end of his story was handled with compassion and dignity, and I was just... really grateful for that.

Characters aside... it just felt great to read an epic fantasy that wasn't cishet white male-centric. I haven't dabbled in the sub-genre since my high school days, when it was dominated by dudes like Robert Jordan and George R. R. Martin (names that frankly still dominate it... some things never change, I guess πŸ™„).

All I can say is, when's the HBO show? When's the Amazon show. The Netflix show. This needs to happen. I won't get on a soapbox here, but for the love of the Mother, let's be done with these old white dudes and their crusty, misogynistic stories. 

I'm ready for a change. 😀


Sunday, May 1, 2022

SWORDHEART by T. Kingfisher


All right, I have a confession to make: I DNFed a good book.

I tried so hard to finish it, I really did. It was as if not finishing it would be some sort of failure on both my part and the author's. But that's just not remotely the case. Sometimes a book can be really good—but just not for you.

I think that's definitely the case with Swordheart. I started the book with great anticipation, as I follow the author on Twitter and she's honestly just delightful. The first few chapters were absolutely hilarious. I really, really love T. Kingfisher's authorial voice; it's light and funny and warm, all at the same time. I really identified with that voice, and would without question pick up another book by this author.

The banter between the main character (?) and the love interest (?)—okay, the question marks are because the POV makes it difficult to tell which is actually the main character, or even if they're BOTH the main character, but more on that later—is honestly adorable, and they initially had really cute chemistry. Sarkis is polite and honorable, and maybe a little too eager to run his sword through the first person who so much as smirks in Halla's general direction. Halla is funny and maybe a bit too self-deprecating, but I still really love her as a protagonist. There was also a side character, Zale, whom I also really liked, and I would happily follow them on their own adventure.

Another thing I enjoyed was the lack of serious, world-ending stakes. Halla just doesn't want to have to marry her creepy cousin, so she has to hire a lawyer to plead her case. It was a bit like reading a fantasy Dickens novel (only with female characters who actually feel like people).

Ultimately, it was a conglomeration of several different things that made this a DNF for me. And I actually stopped with probably only about 50 pages left to go. I just didn't want to force myself to keep going, and I realized I didn't really care what happened anymore. But why?

Part of that is the way the romance is constructed. For some readers, it'll no doubt be an utter delight, but after Sarkis facepalmed for the twenty-eighth time over Halla's loquacious tendencies, then proceeded to drool over her massive breasts, I started to lose interest. I mean, my favorite book is Jane Eyre. When it comes to romance, it's that intense mental and emotional connection that I'm really looking for. Physical attraction is quite boring for me, and that seems to be Sarkis' and Halla's main basis for attraction toward one another. That will only carry me so far in a story, sadly. 

But the biggest hurdle for me, if I'm being quite honest, was the POV. This book has actual head-hopping! A chapter will start from Halla's POV, then, after a couple paragraphs, shift to Sarkis'. Then after a few paragraphs more, we're back in Halla's head (complete with italicized thought for both). Now, to be clear, this is not third person omniscient; it really is head-hopping. I found this terminally confusing, and it's something that made it impossible for me as a reader to ever really lose myself in the story.

Beyond that, there are just a few nitpicks, one of which is the gender of the character Zale. I was excited to see a non-binary character, however... it's never really said HOW the characters immediately know Zale is non-binary. Are they wearing something to indicate this? Is there some missing bit of world-building I'm not seeing? Just how in the world does Halla see Zale and just immediately start thinking about and addressing them as "they"? As a non-binary person, this bugged me, because believe me: no one, literally no one, can tell what your pronouns are just by looking at you. If that were possible, our lives would all be so much easier.

The way the story handled sexuality in general was somewhat personally off-putting, too. Halla's husband was clearly asexual, but the way Halla and Sarkis laugh about him and dismiss him is... honestly, really painful. HOWEVER, I think this was probably, more than anything, lack of knowledge on the author's part. The book was published in 2018, after all. I wouldn't expect her to make that kind of mistake today. Asexuality is a lot more widely known and understood... not that we don't still have a ways to go. πŸ˜•

Additionally, the heterosexuality just felt so... blatant? πŸ˜‚ I don't know how else to describe it. But Halla and Sarkis seemed to constantly wonder about what the other desired in a man or woman, and both assumed the other ONLY liked the opposite sex. Sarkis would constantly entertain thoughts about what a red-blooded man should find attractive (spoiler alert: women with massive breasts), and it was just weird. For me, anyway. 

My final nitpick has to do with Halla's age: 36. Such a great age for a romantic heroine! (And Sarkis is also older; it's never stated how old, unless I missed it, but I'm getting 40s-ish.) Yet again and again, the book acted as if she were 66 instead of 36. I mean, I'm sorry, but 36 is NOT old! A 36 year old woman is potentially still a VERY attractive woman. It was really quite bizarre to pretend otherwise. And why not give Sarkis the same treatment? I suppose no one questions that a man in his 40s would still be attractive.

So, in the end, all of that combined led to me DNFing a genuinely well-written book. And yet I would definitely recommend T. Kingfisher as an author, and hope to pick up another of her books soon!

Monday, January 24, 2022

TIMEKEEPER by Tara Sim

 


I finished TIMEKEEPER in a frenzy, brushing past words and jumping quickly to new paragraphs to see what would happen next. 

I guess you would expect a book about time to be well-paced. Some books shuffle a bit at the beginning—or worse, grab you for the first ten or twenty pages, the let you drift aimlessly for the next hundred or so. This one didn't. We're tossed right into Danny Hart's world, and we meet his love interest, Colton, pretty quickly, too. There's a cute little twist right at the beginning, and I'm embarrassed to admit I fell for it. Me and Danny, we're a coupla dopes, I guess.

The romance is soft and sweet, and skips along like the fairytales Danny brings for Colton to read. The first kiss was, in a word, precious. Our young heroes do seem to go from "I like you" to "I'd die for you" in a matter of weeks—or months? okay probably months, but it might be that the fast pace sometimes pushed the romance a little to the side so the mystery could shine.

And boy did it. As we got closer and closer to the end, time seemed to speed up accordingly. The revelation of the person (persons?) responsible for it all surprised me as much as it did Danny. It could be, however, that, like the romance, there simply wasn't as much time spent on friendships and professional relationships for us to truly feel the sting—but that's likely the difference between a YA and an adult novel.

That said, I think this could have been an equally good adult book, and, me being an adult πŸ€£ I probably would have appreciated it a bit more. But I have little doubt young readers will find Danny's relationships with his mother, friends, and boyfriend very relatable. You do tend to burn fast and hot at his age.

This is my first gaslamp fantasy!! and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it. (There may be hints of steampunk here, as there are automated workers here and there, but I think this is definitely a precursor novel to gaslamp fantasy.) More fantasy books should take place in this sort of fictional 1800s (and not just England). I'd also love to see more secondary fantasy worlds that are more gaslamp-adjacent. 

Special shoutout to my favorite character, Daphne: I actually would love a story from her POV!

Wednesday, October 20, 2021

UPROOTED by Naomi Novik

 


I stopped reading years ago.

I don't know why. The last book I read was BITTERBLUE by Kristin Cashore. I enjoyed it. The previous book in that series, FIRE, is still one of my favorite books I've ever read. Nothing about BITTERBLUE made me stop reading. I just did.

I read a lot of fanfiction. When I'm sad or anxious, fanfiction gives me what I want. I click the characters, relationships, genre, and tags I'm looking for, and there it is: the perfect story. Maybe fanfiction spoiled me. Books didn't have tags. Books were mysterious. Books were scary.

I tried to start reading again. I discarded book after book. I'd stop after the first or second chapter. A character would say or do something that annoyed me; the pacing would be off and I'd get bored. 

UPROOTED is the book that broke the cycle.

What is it about this book in particular that made it possible for me to hold on until the end? It wasn't easy. The second I got annoyed or frustrated, I'd set it aside. But then the next day, I'd doggedly return to it. 

At first it was the magic. 

The magic of UPROOTED is unlike anything I've read before. It's chanting, whispering, singing strange, italicized words that may or may not be a real language. Words that are sharp and clear on the tongue of Agnieszka's love interest, Sarkon, but soft and fluid on her own. She tries to speak his magic and fails; he's utterly baffled by hers. There is a hazy masculine and feminine divide between these two magics that only the wizard Alosha seems to stand in opposition to. Sometimes that made me uncomfortable; sometimes it fascinated me.

Next is the Wood.

The Wood is every dark and foreboding forest that dwells at the heart of a fairytale. That makes it imminently recognizable and imminently terrifying. The horrors that occur within the Wood had me skipping frantically over sentences, too anxious to linger over details and only eager to see who would make it back out into the light alive—and still themselves.

And then there was Sarkon, and Kasia, and Solya, and all the others. I didn't always connect with Agnieszka, but I loved the people who loved her. Kasia is worthy of her own story. They all are. The death of a villain towards the end broke my heart in a way I wouldn't have anticipated. And by the end of the book, there were no villains left, if only because there had never been any in the first place.

I'm not saying I'm completely cured (no more than anyone is in this book, I suppose). For a while, I forced myself to read a chapter a day. By the end, I was reading three at once, and only stopping because my head had become too full of this story.

I suspect I would have adored this book had I been able to get my hands on it when I was a kid. It reminds me of Robin McKinley's DEERSKIN in so many ways. I think it's also a wonderful example of an adult fantasy book with a teenaged protagonist. 

I recommend it to anyone who loves fairy tale retellings, feminist fantasy, and new, unexplored settings in fantasy (in this case, a sort of fantasy Poland).